I wanted to get the survey off of my front page.. Yep.

Things are going good~ I just missed a week and a half of school, so the stress of catching up sucks.. but I'll get there. Aside from that, things are.. good. There's really not much to say.

I love everyone and everyone is beautiful.

The Rules:

X You must post these rules.

X Each tagged person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.

X You have to choose and tag 10 people and post their icons on the same journal.

X Go to their pages and tell them you tagged them

1) I just watched Splice, and thought it was the weirdest movie of all time.

2) I'm a straight A student that sometimes wishes she could goof off like everyone else.

3) I'm currently extremely tired.

4) My favorite nail polish color is red.

5) I love to read, but it's hard for me to find books I like or will even give a chance.

6) I want to become a genetic scientist, or an infectious disease specialist (epidemiology)

7) I'm a freshman in High School, and I already have my life planned out.

8) I'm a cat person!

9) The Victorian era fascinates me, as do Steampunk things.

10) I want to backpack in Europe one day.

Tag:
Anyone who wants to do this~

Really, it went by too quickly. Maybe that's because I'm used to two weeks off, and I only had one. Though.. honestly, I was sick the entire week before break, so I suppose I did technically get more time off, but now I have to bust my ass to get all of my work made up.

It was good, though. Very relaxing, and it gave me a much-needed mental break. For those of you who read my last journal, and were wondering about who I was writing about, she's fine now. She was in the hospital for ten days and got back last Thursday, I believe. When I last spoke to her, she said the people at the hospital were amazing and really helped her out. I'm happy she's alright and that my parents were so understanding.

Hm.. I don't know how I feel about going back to school. I want to, because I've missed my friends and teachers, but I also don't want to because I'm just.. tired. I want to sleep in and lounge around in my pajamas for a few more days. But, alas, that's impossible. Besides, two more months until summer!

I'm doing a little better. I think stress was getting to me and everything with my friend, but I don't have much else to report.

So!

I love you all.

when a friend of yours overdoses purposely on sleeping medication, and their parents contact you via text from her phone and tell you that they'd be happy to give information on your friend, but you have to go to their house with your parents? What do you do when most likely, your parents wont take you, and they probably wont let you continue to hang out with this friend? What do you do at 9:30 when you're supposed to be doing homework, but you can't fucking concentrate because you're so scared and worried? What do you do when you realize you wont be able to sleep tonight because you can't stop thinking that something is really, really wrong?

What do you do when you know you have to go to school tomorrow, knowing that your friend isn't there, because she's most likely been admitted into a mental institution? When you look next to you at the seat she used to sit in and hope she's getting the help she needs, and that she wont try again? What do you do when you know you've been through the same thing she's going through now, but you don't remember how you got out of it?

But what do you do when you realize that her parents probably don't give a shit anyway, and she's most likely just grounded because of what she's tried, which will probably just lead to another attempt that you can't help with because you know her parents have her phone?

Well, today was my last day of state testing. I sort've regret it; I like state testing. It's a chance for everything to be quiet, and a chance to read something and just.. relax. It doesn't require a lot of thinking on my part; it's usually really easy. So, I'm sort've sad that it's over, but I'm also looking forward to actually going to regular classes again.

I've been having a rough time lately. Self esteem has taken a downfall, and I'm becoming stressed and overwhelmed. I don't really know why. Maybe it's hormones lately, I'm not totally sure. But it sucks. I feel like I'm just going down into depression again and I don't remember how I got out of it the first time, nor do I want to go through it all again.

One of my closer friends at school overdosed yesterday on sleeping meds. She didn't die, but she got really sick and had to be admitted to a hospital. I'm scared for her. I don't want to lose her and I don't want her to keep living life the way she's living it now. I want to help her, but I don't know how. I didn't realize how hard it was on the outside looking in; it's almost as scary as actually suffering, myself.

I haven't been active on here. I'm sorry, guys. I've tried to write poems but none of it sounds good. None of it gets the message that I want across.

Eh..

My last journal was in October.

A lot has happened since then, needless to say. My grades were all A's by the end of the semester, giving me a 4.14 GPA. But I've found that having wonderful grades doesn't make someone automatically happy. I'm not stressed, it just sucks caring about them so much. But I know it'll help me in the long run. I already have a school in Hawaii interested in me that offers epidemiology as a doctorate.

So, grades are good.

School... is okay. I have all the friends I need and I love every single one of them. Piano and voice lessons are pretty good, as well..

I really hate to admit it, and I hate to be confronting this myself, but I'm spiraling down again. I've found myself looking for melatonin (sleeping meds that I purposely took too many of just to sleep through an entire week) to do that all over again. You know that when you sleep and don't want to wake up, things are bad. I don't know why this is happening, either. Nothing awful is going on with life, really. I have everything I need, so why do I feel like I have nothing at all?

I can't think of so much that's happened. I've had my ups and downs, but this is starting to feel as low as it used to feel. I don't want to go through that again; especially not with High School. I feel tired all the time. My self esteem has taken a hit, and my confidence is dragging. I've had anxiety about being alone (just being in a room by myself, for example), and I start freaking out if I don't have something to do.

This hurts, and it sucks, but I made my way through it once. I think I can do it again. I hope I can do it again. I have so much potential for my life, and I don't want to throw it all away.

I love you guys. I hope you all had happy holidays.

It's been another month since I last updated my journal. I've got so much stuff to talk about!

There was a show for my school called Ramantics. Basically a talent/variety show that included skits from Harry Potter Puppet Pals, to Star Wars, to Lady Gaga, to people walking on stilts and riding unicycles. I had a ton of fun being a part of that.

My grades are fantastic. All of them are A's. I'm so freakin' proud of myself, it's not even funny! I'm glad my first year of high school is getting off to such a great start. I'm having a great time with all of my friends and teachers. I just love it at Rampart.

A few issues with guys. I really liked a senior, then forced myself to avoid him as much as possible so I forget why I liked him. And it's working, so I no longer have a strong attraction to him. Aint it great!? Though, now I've got some creeper on my tail.. he's cool and all, but he texts me too much and asks odd questions.

I'm having a birthday party/halloween party for myself, tomorrow night. I've been so busy! My birthday was actually last month, but I haven't been free for so long that I had to make the celebration this month. I invited.. I think 18 people, and 12 are coming. Not a bad turn out! I think we're going to have so much fun, and I'm extremely excited.

Also, tomorrow, I'm going to be helping set up the stage for the next theater show at my school. I hope it'll help the director to get to know me; I didn't get into this show because I'm a freshman. Which leads me to my next topic.

I hate freshman discrimination. People think that because I'm a freshman, I know nothing about anything, and I've never been involved in theater or choir, or I have no experience what-so-ever. I've had the unfortunate case of the seniors or juniors, or even sophomores talking down to me like I'm a little kid, and it really, really irritates me. I can't wait until freshman year is over just because of that.

I'm involved in something called Friends of Rachel (FOR), which is a club at school that tries to help spread Rachel's Challenge. If you don't know what that is, I'll go into a brief history about it.

Rachel Scott was shot in Columbine. She kept a journal all her life about how one act of kindness could start a chain reaction. If we could step out of our way, just once, to help someone who needs it, that person would do the same, and so would that person, and so on. The power of kindness is endless, and it doesn't take much effort to do something nice for someone else. She believed this strongly.

It's an amazing group of people. I'm glad to associate and help them out, and I love watching everyone give ideas about how we can approve the kindness in our school. Here's Rachel's website: [link]

Moving on to another subject: I've got my permit! After waiting for so long, I'm finally able to drive. Because I'm not 15 and 1/2, I had to take three classes in order to receive the permit test, which I passed. My dad's giving me lessons with his porsche, and my sister's truck, so I know how to drive stick and automatic. I love the responsibility, and I can't wait until it's time to start shopping for my own car. It's going to be fantastic.

My moods are wonderful. It's been a while since I've really been depressed, but stress does get to me sometimes. And so does the fact that I haven't been able to be very active on here quite yet. Hopefully it'll start calming down and I can properly start to plan things for #Inked-Page, and get back to writing poetry. I'm also trying to keep my own personal journal, which I write in whenever I feel the need to. I find that making a goal to write in it every day ends up making me feel forced to.

You're all absolutely beautiful in every way possible. I love you!

It's been SO freakin' long since I last updated. Like. A month. Wow. New record, there.

First off, go and help <a href="[link]>Xappho out. She needs to get enough money raised to see her Fiance graduate on Thursdaay, so she's running this huge freakin' sale for it. I wish I could contribute, but all I can do is advertise. Sorry I couldn't do more~

Okay. Onto school, which I started on the 16th. It's been pretty amazing, thus far. I love all my teachers, and I absolutely love the social interaction from all of this. My friend's plan of saying hi to ten different people every day for a week really payed off; I'm considered one of the most friendly and sociable people in the Freshman year, and I've got a bunch of different friends from all the grades. I love it!

I particularly love my Algebra teacher, Mr. Anderson. He's really hyper and nice and such, and funny, though extremely ADD and ends up ranting about things that have nothing to do with school. It's fun. I'm supposed to be in Geometry, which is the next step up, but he asked me to stay because he said he would miss me. Which made me feel special. And the only real advantage of going onto geometry early is taking calculus senior year and never having to take math again, but eh.

I also love my Honors Lit. teacher, Ms. Anthony. She's really nice, but she's sorta strict a lot. I have H. Lit every day, unlike all my other classes, and I must say I'm really happy about that. I'm glad that she's the teacher I'll get to know the most. And, she shares my obsession with Shakespeare. Teehee. I'm excited to read The Odyssey and Romeo and Juliet, this year.

I used to really enjoy my French teacher, as well. She was pretty cool; nice, hyper, ADD, and such. But something happened this week that she turned into a real.. bitch. So, we have a block schedule; blue day, gold day, blue day, gold day, blue day, saturday, sunday, gold day, etc. But Monday was Labor Day, so I got a bit confused. My science teacher told me that today would be a blue day, but it was actually a gold day. I went to my French teacher right away, 'cause she's my first period for gold days, and I told her what happened and why I hadn't done it over the weekend (parents weekend for the Cadets. I was hardly ever at home for more than twenty minutes, and when I was, I was crashing). I asked her if I could hand it in after class for full credit. Her response? "You can hand it in, but you'll still get a zero." Yet, my friend Cassie ended up basically doing the same thing I did, and Cassie got a chance to make it up. Really pissed me off, and I lost all respect for the French teacher. Never will I be enthusiastic about the class, which I was until then, until she somehow makes this up to me. I don't care how.

Geometry teacher is alright, so is Science, and Ceramics, and theater, and.. i think that's it.

Homecoming is coming up, as well. On the 25th. Rampart does the King and Queen, who would be seniors, and then the princes and princesses; one set for each grade. When we were voting, I had a bunch of people coming up and asking me for my name, which made me feel really accomplished. My goal all this time was to be one of the people that no one really had a problem with, even if they didn't exactly like me.

What's frustrating, though, is the fact that I always seem to go for the 'matured' guys. There aren't any freshman guys that I'm interested, but I already have a crush on this Senior. Theater nerd, plays the cello, seems really sincere in everything he does with everyone, loves helping out, etc. I asked him if he wanted to come to homecoming with a group of friends and I, and he said he wasn't sure what his plans were but he'd let me know. I kinda take that as 'if nothing better comes up, sure', but I'm trying to be positive. I don't think I'll ever date him, though; I'm a freshman (or, as he now calls me, a freshgirl, because freshman sounds sexist), and he's a senior. It just wouldn't work out. But that wont keep me from developing a good friendship with him.

I've been a lot happier, as well. It's nice to have friends to laugh with and text and call and invite to parties. I'm really happy I made the decision to head back to High School, and I'm really, really loving it. I'm already in the Talent show, involved in two clubs, and very (and positively) popular among the school. I think I was always the social butterfly, and homeschooling myself sort of put a damper on my mood for a while.

I don't know what else to say, really. Haha. I love you guys, and I'm sorry it took so long to update this!

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.

It is more important that the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a home.

The remarkable thing is we have the choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, nor can we change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you, we are in charge of our Attitudes."

I whole-heartedly agree with this.

I'm doing well. It's been busy over here, and I haven't been feeling well physically, but that's about it.

Love you guys.

It's been a little while since I updated this journal. Last time I did, it was to announce that my puppy, Kandi Anne Engelmann, had to be put to sleep due to kidney failure. It had been a really rough few days after she was gone; my other dog, Somba, had been grieving and wouldn't let any of us touch him. We'd all start crying at the most simple reminder, like the towel she used to sleep on because she'd sometimes leak when she slept.

But only a few days after she was gone, my mom asked if it was too soon to get a new dog. I said yes; I'm not the type that gets over things so quickly, and I didn't think I'd be able to love a new puppy just yet. But the next day, my mom drove us to a breeder, where we met a yorkie only eight weeks old. Of course, mom fell in love immediately, so we got her.

She is adorable, and I do love her, but I still miss Kandi. The night before last, I had a dream that she came back, and I woke up crying and couldn't get back to sleep. I can't understand how everyone else has moved on so quickly, but maybe they just have different ways to grieve. I still miss her and wish she was here.

Our yorkie is named Piper Rayne Engelmann. Somba isn't getting along with her so well, yet, but my cat loves to play. They'll tumble and play-fight and everything for hours on end, which I'm glad about. Lucen, my cat, didn't really get along with Kandi or Somba. I'm glad they both have play mates now.

I start school the 16th of August. I'm sort of nervous for it because I haven't had any socialization for a year. I don't want to become the girl in the corner who doesn't do anything and talks to no one.. But I am excited for it. I can't wait to go back to school and be able to meet new people.

I visited a friend that I haven't seen in a while. She used to be my Theater/Vocal teacher, and we've known each other for four years now. I used to babysit her kids a lot, too. She's amazing; she gave me a lot of really good advice for High School. Last time I saw her, I was suffering from severe depression, so she said it was good to have me back when we were talking. I'm glad I'm not as bad as I used to be.

Anyway, she told me that the best way to get over the bump of being shy was to say hi to ten different people every day. Start a conversation, introduce myself, do everything like that. She was so confident in this that she bet me 50 dollars that at the end of six months, I'll thank her for the advice. I'm not in it for the money, but I'm hoping I'll be able to do this.

I'm trying to get back into theater, too. I've been looking at auditions and fixing up my resume so I'll be ready. I've emailed a director that's doing Dracula this fall for an audition as well.

I'm getting back on my feet and I'm glad. The depression still lingers, but it's something I know I'll be able to get over completely, soon enough.

RIP Kandi Anne Engelmann, October 24th 2004 - July 6th, 2010. You were the sweetest dog in the world; I love you. You'll always be in my heart.

I went camping with my family over the weekend, and sort of enjoyed myself. I haven't been feeling well and I've been moody and cranky, but I.. mostly had fun. My dad, sister and I hiked down to some train tracks and taped some pennies down, so when the train came it'd flatten them. My sister ended up finding a quarter that someone else had put there, and we found all the pennies as well.

I took my cat on a few walks. He's really gotten better at being on a leash. I mean, he never exactly minded in the first place, but he wouldn't walk. Kinda had to drag him, or carry him. But now he's walking on his own, and even running, so he's dragging me along.

But things took a bad turn on Saturday. About 5 am, my puppy, Kandi, woke up and had what we thought was a seizure. She threw up, fell over, and started shaking, and lost control of her bladder. I woke my mom up and told her something was wrong, but it was too late to really.. take her anywhere. Five hours later, when my mom was taking Kandi and my other puppy, Somba, on a walk, Kandi did it again.

Over the weekend, she had 22 of these episodes. She couldn't hold down water, and she wouldn't eat anything. The vet was closed, and we couldn't take her to the ER, so we had to wait until today to take her to the hospital. Needless to say, it was the longest weekend ever.

The vet didn't exactly soothe any nerves. Though he did say she wasn't having seizures, he wasn't exactly sure what was going on. He knew she was dehydrated, but that was about it. Her temperature was below normal, which only worried him further. Blood was drawn and tested, which brought more bad news. Her kidneys are struggling. The vet doesn't know if it's caused by dehydration, and if it'll get better once they pump some IV fluid into her, or if the dehydration is caused by her kidneys just.. failing.

He's taking X-rays now, hoping to see a stone that would explain everything. I'm worried that her kidneys aren't working, and we'll have to put her down. It's hard to think about it. She was the first puppy I ever had, and I love her to death. It would be hard to let her go like that, but this isn't a life a puppy should live.

I hope everything turns out okay.

Things have just been spiraling, lately. I'm snapping at everyone who tries to talk to me and I'm just.. crying at nothing, and angry at everything. I'm sick of constantly not feeling well, or having something wrong with me. I want to be healthy, but I don't think that's going to solve my problems.

I'm returning to the point where I just think everyone is just tolerating me. That no one really wants me around, but they don't want to hurt my feelings and just get rid of me. I know I'm just becoming depressed all over again; my energy is gone, and all I want to do is lay down and disappear. Who would care, anyway?

It's not a healthy mental state to be in, but I don't know how to get out of it again. I used to solve it by talking to people, but I don't even know if I can do that anymore with out just being called a drama queen, or being accused of over reacting. I don't even know if I could describe everything if I was given the option of talking to people, either. I sure don't want to walk up to someone and just ask for help anymore; it gets tiring.

It hurts that my birthday is in three months, and I only have one friend that would come to a party if I invited anyone. I don't see it as something to celebrate anymore, that's for sure. I don't know what to do about that.

Thoughts of suicide are coming back; I keep thinking everyone would move on and be happier in their lives if I wasn't around. I know that I wouldn't be suffering anymore, and then I want to slap myself because that's selfish. But the more and more I think about it, it becomes a reality. I'm just sick of everything going on, and not having any days where all I do is laugh and smile.

Things for me have been up and down, but it hasn't been this bad since.. well, a few months ago, when I was popping seven or eight pills every night just so I'd sleep all night, and then all day, and then repeat the cycle just so I didn't have to deal with things.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Things have been.. stressful, lately. Between getting all these bracelets done and having all the birthdays and holidays coming up, and now some new found health problems, I find myself not wanting to do anything at all. Literally. I used to love going to the gym, now I don't want to do it. Nor do I really want to leave the house. I'm irritable beyond belief and kind of sick of something always being wrong.

I wont go into my health issues. They're girly and I doubt anyone wants to read it. Let's just say what I might have to do to figure out what's going on, is making me want to cry and pushing me further and further towards a panic attack the more I think about it.

Once again, I'm really sorry to everyone who's ordered bracelets from me, and I still haven't sent them out. I'm trying to get them done, but the free time I have, I just want to spend laying down somewhere to watch a movie. I promise, I will get them done, and I'll try not to keep you guys waiting too much longer.

My sister's birthday is in.. two days, and I haven't gotten anything for her. Kinda sucks.. Maybe I'll think something up before then, though I doubt it.

I got Sims 3 a few days ago, which helps to distract me, but also makes me fail at completing things that I need to do. It's funny how addicting the game can be, when it's basically just taking care of a person.

We're having three new cadets come in tomorrow for bed and breakfast, before they enter the place which is Hell, The Academy. I'm hopeful that they'll be as cool as last year's cadet, Kim. She somehow makes me laugh even when I don't want to, and is bringing me a cactus named Romeo back from Arizona. Saturday, I think, we ended up staying up until 4:30 am, singing to Disney and other movies, and coloring huge Winnie The Pooh pages. It was fun.

The case for my ipod ripped ($20 down the drain) so I had to order a new one. Should be getting that any time soon. Actually, I should check the mail after I get done writing this journal..

I'm very, very sick of the immaturity of a few people I know, right now. It's making me angry to the point where I've had to find violent ways to relieve my stress. Of course, knowing me, it's not very.. violent at all. It consists of punching pillows, and torturing sims, really. I wont go into detail. I just hate how some people have been acting.

My dad is retiring from the Air Force soon, which is putting a lot of stress on my family. His pay is supposed to go down, and we lose our health insurance, which is huge because of how many health issues I and my sister have been getting, lately. I'm hoping the next job he gets continues to support us.

My birthday is coming up in three months. I was planning on having a 'tea party' at this place called Glen Eyrie. It sounds really girly, but Glen Eyrie is a Victorian styled castle built a long time ago, which serves formal Victorian teas. I was thinking I could invite one or two friends, and we could all dress up really formally and go have tea, and tour the castle. It wouldn't be too expensive, so I'm hoping my mom would let me do it. We'll see.

..Holy crap, it's only Tuesday? God, I thought it was Friday.

I think that's all, for now. Love you all.

I'm so, so, so, soo sorry to all of my commissioners who have payed me already, yet not received a their order. I've been so busy that I'm hardly able to sit down and have time for myself, which means my energy has been withering as well. I promise I'll get everything out as soon as possible. I feel so bad for all of this. ._.

I had my second day of filming for the movie about two days ago, I believe. Got up around 5:40 am, left at 6:30, got there at 8:30, and stayed until around 10:00 pm. That was exhausting. I came home and seemed to be wide awake, but about two hours later my body decided to crash so hard that I could barely make it down the stairs to bed. By the end of the filming, I was so tired and delirious that I started doing the chicken dance in the background of the dance scenes.

Other than that, it was my mom's birthday yesterday and my sister's birthday is coming up soon. My dad's birthday just passed, and my parents anniversary is in a few days as well. Not to mention Fathers Day, and the next filming for the movie is on Sunday.. So it's been extremely hectic around here. I'm sorry, again, to everyone who's ordered something from me.

I feel awful. ._. I'm sorry, guys.

I love you all.

Returned from my camping trip today. It was okay, I think; I enjoyed roasting marsh mellows over a coal-fire (the place we went to wont allow wood fires) and laughing with my family, but I got irritated eventually. My sister pulled something in her back and wasn't able to do anything, which I didn't mind at first, but then she started rubbing it in my face that she got to lay around and do nothing while I was up and cleaning the camper and getting things for people and such. I wouldn't have minded if she wasn't so spoiled about it.

My cat decided to spazz at night, too. The first night was alright, but then he started getting fidgety. Knocked things over, climbed on other things, played with toys at the worst times.. I ended up having to stay up all night with him, trying to keep him quiet for the rest of my family. So I haven't gotten that much sleep, and I'm about ready to pass out, now.

The only reason I'm not asleep is that I know that if I go downstairs right now, I'll start crying. Camping kinda brought back memories of an ex, and the more I thought about him, the more I wanted to talk to him. We knew each other for a few years before deciding to officially date, and we dated for almost a year. A few days before our anniversary, I freaked out and made the biggest deal out of almost nothing because I got scared of getting too close and eventually getting hurt. But I did convince myself, at the time, that he was in the wrong. So I didn't feel any pain or anything when we broke up.

But it's hitting me, tonight. Kinda like I'd buried the emotions deep in my mind, and going camping (which was something we both really loved, because we both had a strong liking towards nature) made those feelings and memories surface. Though I want to smile because we had such a good time when we were together, and we loved each other a lot (I don't care if I'm young, I did love him), I also feel awful for putting him through the hell I did.

We spoke once since we broke up, basically. It was kinda forced; a friend of mine put me into a group chat with him. It hurt a lot, then; he'd make subtle remarks of how I was being a bitch, or how I hurt him and had no right to do what I did. I deserved it, and he was right, but it still hurt to hear it out loud.

Since then, I haven't tried to contact him. But in hopes to talk to him and apologize for what I did, I looked him up on facebook. Surprisingly, he had a profile, but looking at that only proved to hurt me more. I found out he'd moved on to another girl, whom he's been with for almost a year. Their anniversary is five days before my birthday.. I'm not sure why it hurts so much. I'm glad he was able to move on, and everything, but.. I don't know.

The whole family, who I loved and who loved me back, has seemingly forgotten about me. I guess it's for the best, but I still have to wonder if he thinks about me, or if he feels the same. I doubt it.. It's more likely to believe he only thinks of me as a cold-hearted and self-centered bitch.

So, I haven't been having a good night, and i think I'm just going to go downstairs soon, blast my music, and clean my room before sleeping. I wish he knew I was sorry, but now I don't have the guts to send him a message. Not yet, at least.

Thank you all for your support.

Right now, I'm thinking there's a lot to say, but by the end of the journal, there wont be much.

First, it's been such a busy week that I've barely been able to work on any bracelets. It's crazy; Cadet graduation means all these people coming over, company constantly being in our house, etc. So I don't have much time to update or work, which sucks, but eh. I'm sorry that all these bracelets have become so.. delayed.

Which brings me to my next subject: middle school continuation ceremony. It was last night, I believe. I've kinda lost track of my days. xD I didn't think the whole thing was a big deal. I mean, it's just junior high, right? Well, house before my ceremony, we went to the Cadet Graduation. It was kinda cool, really, except for the fact that getting out of the parking lot took at least an hour and a half. So I came home, took a quick shower, got ready for my ceremony, and walked out the door. My family decided to take me to one of my favorite restaurants, Famous Daves. It's a huge rib place, and they have reaally good sauces.

My sister, when she got out of junior high, had been able to get our parents to rent a limo and drive her and her friends around after school for a few hours. So it was only fair that I get a little something, but considering how tight money has been for us lately, I didn't expect anything big.

But, it was an ipod touch. The money I raised by myself (which ended up being 163.52, i believe) was over half of what I needed. My aunt and mom split the difference, and I was able to get it before I thought I would. I was so excited that I didn't even want to go to the ceremony. Just wanted to head straight home, charge the thing, and load all my songs onto it to begin experimenting.

But we did have to go to the ceremony, which was at Mr. Biggs (an indoor amusement park, basically), and that was pretty fun as well. Our 'dork' cadets, Kim and Dan, came with and made everything a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

Finally got home and spent the next few hours playing with the ipod, and then went to bed.. because we had another long day ahead of us.

Woke up this morning, got ready, and headed to the General's house (who, by the way, is the 'boss' of the Air Force Academy) for a picnic. Basically to say fair-well to those who were leaving, and hello to those who were being stationed here. It was alright, but the whole time, I wanted to play with my ipod. Not exactly the most polite thing to do when you're supposed to be socializing.

After thaat, we came straight home to prepare for our own fair-well party, for the two cadets of hours who were graduating. Had at least fifty people over, and we had a lot of cooking and preparing to do. It was pretty fun; my mom let me take a few puffs off of a celebratory cigar, which.. I don't think I'll be doing again. It's not as bad as cigarettes, I guess, but I just didn't enjoy it as much as my sister did (who was boasting and bragging and acting like the coolest thing ever all night, because she had five Mike's Hard Lemonades and shared a cigar with my mom).

That night (tonight) ended by Kim convincing all of us to watch The Fourth Kind again. I love the movie, but it's the creepiest thing I've seen. I know it isn't real, but.. eh, it still kinda freaks me out. So I offically hate Kim for the next two hours and one minute. It's currently 1:32, so if you've seen The Fourth Kind, you'll understand why I hate her.

Aand, tomorrow, we're going camping for.. four days, I think? It'll be really nice to have a break and be able to work on commissions and relax for a little while.

My mom also bought me screen protectors and a case for the ipod today, which was nice of her. I'm always nervous that I'd damage it.

Right now, I need to watch a few happy shows before I head back downstairs, even though I'm dead tired. Not in the mood for nightmares tonight.

Now that I have my ipod ( ) and learned that it has voice control and the microphone connected to the earphones that come with it suckss, I'm saving up for a splitting jack thing, so I can get this thumb-tack esque mic and be able to use my skull crushers at the same time. The splitter I looked at was around $20, and the mic was about 15. With taxes and shipping fees and such, I'm gonna be safe and say I'll need around $45.

I love you guys~ Thanks for all the support and such; I really, really appreciate it.

Making and Selling Bracelets Currently closed until I finish my lists.
Selling a lot of books.

I've learned to deal with things and let go, or at least ignore it and think better of myself when shit happens. So I've been in a pretty good mood lately, other than stress. But I've also been.. extremely busy, which is honestly annoying. Today's the only day I've been able to actually sit down and relax for a while. Between making and selling bracelets and trying to get rid of books, and all the graduations going on lately, there's hardly time to do much for myself.

My bracelets are getting a lot more attention than I ever thought they would, though, so I did up the prices. They're still not really expensive, so I'm hoping it'll be okay and people will continue buying them. I have seven bracelets that I need to get work on, right now; and I really need to update my list.

Someone just came by today and bought a ton of books from me, which all added up to about $55. She didn't even try haggling the price, which surprised me, because I already told myself I wouldn't go lower than $50. But it made me really happy, to be honest; I'm glad I was able to sell those.

My dad went to the BX (It's a store on the Air Force base) and put my ipod on lay away. I had $108 to give to him, which is awesome; I never thought I'd reach that so quickly. At the BX, we don't have to pay tax, which makes it cheaper than going to Walmart or Target (I hope). So, I do have an ipod touch, but I have to keep raising money and making payments until I'm at $300.

Currently, adding the profit from the books I just sold, I have $163.52. Almost 2/3 of the way there!

Thank you, to everyone who's bought something from me, helped me, supported me, or advertised for me. I couldn't have gotten this far without you.

I love you all!

$163.52 / $300

UPDATE:
Just wanted everyone to know that I've stalked up on colors (so I have a LOT of different colors and shades). Prices are the same right now. And I've just sold my first bracelet, the light green and black chevron striped.

First, here's my 'to-do' list of people who have already hired me.

List 1-
Black and dark green -- chevron striped $2 (Finished!)
White and light green -- chevron sides $2 (Finished!)
Black and dark blue -- Zig-zag $2 (Not started)
Light purple and light blue -- Four strand flat braid $2 (Finished!)
Brown, copper, green, and light brow -- Woven stripes $2 (Not started)
Total: $10

List 2-
Red and black -- chevron $2 (Not started)
Red, orange, yellow -- woven stripes $2 (Not started)
Total: $4

List 4-
Blue and gold -- four strand flat braid $2 (keychain; not started)
Red, purple, black -- single wave $2 (Not started)
Total: $5.00 (Shipped to two different places)

List 5-
Bright blue and dark blue -- four strand flat braid $2 (not started)
Green and pea green -- chevron striped $2 (not started)
Total: $6 (Shipped to England)

I think this is it, for my current lists. Contact me if I forgot to add you.

Prices
These bracelets are getting a lot more attention than I thought they would, and they're taking a long time for me to do. I don't think $2-$3 is worth my time, and my mom's been trying to get me to up my prices for a little while now. So the bracelets will be $5-$6.

Shipping to anywhere in the US is about $.50, depending on how many bracelets you order, and $2 for England and probably anywhere else outside the US. I'd have to check. I'm sorry if these prices have become too high for anyone, but only making a $3 profit out of a bracelet that takes me maybe a day and a half to make isn't really worth it. The prices for the people who have already ordered from me will not change.

Regular Diagonal Striped-- $5 [link]
Chevron Striped-- $5 [link]
Woven Stripes-- $6 [link]
Zigzag-- $6 [link]
Single Waves-- $5 [link]
Double Waves-- $6 [link]
4 Strand Flat Braid-- $5 (I can't find an example of this one. )
'French' Knots-- $5 [link] (I'll use thinner string)
'Square' Knots (Parachute cord styled, but thinner string)-- $5 [link] (Size small)
Square Knots and Stripes-- $6 (Imagine the regular square knots with a few diagonal stripes.
Small Diamonds-- $6 (Can't find a very good example of this, either)

I can also do keychains of any of these patterns, too. $3 each.

Once I find my camera charger, I'll take pictures of the bracelets I have made. None of these pictures are mine, soyeah. BUT that's what I can do.

All of these patterns can have different colors. Some of them require three colors, some of them can be one single color. Just contact me and we can talk about it.

If you'd like me to add beads to any of these patterns, I can, but I'll have to charge an extra $0.10

I can do other patterns, too, but they will cost more than $6 and I thought that was a bit expensive.

Colors

Oranges
Light orange (almost white/off white)
Light-ish orange (kinda dull color)
Another light orange (Half a step up from the dull light)
Regular orange
Pale/Dark orange
Salmon-ish orange

Neutral Colors
Black
Grey
White
Light tan
Tan
Light brown
Dark brown
Off-white
Off-white-brown

Greens
Light/Mint green
Army Green
Almost-white-green
Aquamarine-ish
Blue-mint-green
Pale green
Light-pale green
Dark green
Light pea green

Pinks
Fusia
Hot pink
Bright/light pink
Light pink
Regular pink
Pale salmon-ish color
Kinda skin-colored pink

Blues
Dark blue
Sky blue
Neon blue
Turquoise-neon blue
Light blue
Pale light blue
Almost-white blue
Dark/pale blue
Mint blue

Reds
Bright red
Regular red
Dark red
Blood red
Maroon
Another regular red (but shinier than the other one)

Yellow
Tan yellow
Light-pale yellow
Regular yellow
Almost-white yellow
Bright yellow

Purple
Grey-purple
Light purple
Pale/Dark purple
Lighter purple
Regular purple
Dark purple
Almost-black purple

Woo! Done. I'd get pictures if I could find my camera charger. Sorry! By the way, pale means not-very-bright, and light means just.. lighter. xD I didn't know how else to explain it.


Premades
Blue and multicolored green square knot bracelet - $3
Light green and black zigzag bracelet - $3
Unfinished copper, brown, off-white, and light brown woven stripe bracelet - $3
Orange, red, and black swirl (I created this pattern) keychain - $3

Methods of Payment (I send bracelets when I receive payment)
Snail Mail
Paypal

I think that's it. If I think of anything else, I'll just update this journal.

Goal for ipod touch! $163.52 / $300

if keeping a journal would help out at all. Not one that everyone can see; something that'll keep my secrets and promise not to tell anyone. Something that I can cry on without feeling awkward or.. revealed.

I've tried this before and end up re-reading the entries, thinking I'm just whining and nagging. But I also only wrote in the journal when I was upset; there were no words of celebration that I'm simply alive. I want to change that this time around and jot down whatever I'm feeling when I find it necessary.

I deserve to be happy, after all. I'm in a movie, and I'm starting high school. I don't want to be antisocial anymore. I want to branch out, make different friends and become a better person. Of course this is all easier said than done, but all I need to do is learn to smile when the clouds are gray, right?

I'm not going to focus on the days where I seem more depressed than happy. That's what my problem is; I remember crying more than smiling, and I don't appreciate the days where I laugh and smile. I've become constantly angry at something, and I'm tired of it.

I'll need support; this isn't something I can just pull off. But I want to make it known that focusing on yourself isn't always the best way to enhance life. I find that helping other people, dropping by to leave the occasional note that they're beautiful, and doing good deeds makes me happier than anything else.

Life will change. I know it will, because I wont stop putting in the effort until it does. I'm looking forward to my future; I just need to encourage the happiness. Pain is only temporary, things are only as bad as we make it seem.

I'm going to start looking forward to the next day.

But I still need help to get my itouch!
Making and selling bracelets.
Selling a lot of books.

$163.52 / $300